The … Um … Glamours Life

woman-918784_1920Remember when you went to your first formal? Finding the perfect dress–the one with lots of sparkles and a waistband that nearly cut you in two. Then there was the zipper–so long as you exhaled (to diminish your lung size) while sucking in your gut, it fit perfectly. And besides, it was on sale.

But try sitting down in the thing.

And the shoes. For me, it was the first time I wore heels, and it showed. Walking across the parking lot, with all it’s potholes, woman-1534619_1280bumps, and depressions was interesting to say the least. Of course, it didn’t help that the shoes were half a size too small, or two wide, or whatever, and either strangled all circulation from your toes or fell off your feet every time you took a step.

Then you get older, wiser, and invest in a comfy yet stylish pair of flats. At least, that’s been my MO. Except sometime this summer, I threw away my favorite black pair, fully intending to replace. But then August hit, and with it conferences I needed to prepare for, and I forgot all about my shopping plans.

Some of you understand this completely. Others of you, the shoppers among us, consider me insane. For the latter of you, you’ll be shaking your head momentarily, thinking, “I told you so. Well, I would’ve told you so had you asked.”

Mid-August rolls around, and I begin packing for what I knew airport-1515434_1920would be a whirlwind trip–a conference where I’d be speaking and teaching three classes, followed by a book signing, with a day and a half home before heading to an author event followed by another conference.

Whew! I’m tired just remembering it!

So there I was, planning what to wear and … no black flats, and no time for shopping. Luckily (ha!) our daughter owns a really cute pair of pumps, so I tossed them in my suitcase, closed it up, shoes-1460033_1920and was good to go.

Eh …

Saturday rolled around, the last day of the conference and the day of my book signing. By this point, I was also down to one outfit–the one needing those black pumps. So on they went.

And I quickly remembered how long it’d been since I’d worn heels. And that my daughter’s feet are wider then mine. So here I am, trying to look all professional while wobbling around, about ready to topple over, in my daughter’s much too high heels. To make things worse, every third step one of my shoes actually slipped off, nearly sending me flat on my face.

All while I was trying to act all bookishly professional–and everyone I encounter, including the bookstore owner hosting me, is doing there best not to laugh out loud.

Grown woman, acting like a teenager in her first pair of heels. Oy.

I wish I could say wardrobe malfunctions during book signings are rare events, but …

I was on another trip, this time in Des Moines. Once again, it was a whirlwind weekend with back-to-back speaking engagements followed by a signing. By my last event, I was down to my last outfit–the one I was wearing. The others were not so neatly packed in my suitcase in the trunk. Add to this the fact that it was freezing out–not sure capris and strappy sandals were a great idea.

With goosebumps exploding across my arms and my lips turning a deep shade of blue despite my heavily applied lipgloss, I decided to buy some coffee.

Did I mention I was wearing white capris? You know where this is going, don’t you? I experienced a momentary rush of warmth, followed by a rush of panic.

A writer’s life. Isn’t it glamorous?

Do you have any wardrobe fails to share? It would make me feel better. Seriously. 😉


3 thoughts on “The … Um … Glamours Life

  1. You had me with the picture of heels. I guess I never got older and wiser. Well, I got older. Just not wiser. I still love heels, wear them every chance I get. But I have gotten to where 3 inches is my limit and I walk back and forth in the shoe store with them on, making sure they don’t mash any toes or rub anywhwere before I buy them. I have 48 pairs of heels in every color you can think of plus at least a dozen pretty, sparkly sandals with lower heels. I only own one pair of flats and they have a kitten heel.

    But my fail also came at the hands of a writers conference. St Louis, ACFW 2014 (I think, on the year). I have two cousins who live in St. Lou., so I came prepared to spend a day with them. I brought black capris and stylish platform wedge sandals. The shoes were higher than what I normally wear anymore, but since they were wedge and platform, more manageable. I’d worn them several times and was good to go. Until my cousin and I walked from the conference hotel to the arch. There was some construction going on and gravel scattered about on the sidewalks. When you step on one gravel in platform, wedge sandals, your whole foot goes sideways. I didn’t go down, but it’s a wonder I didn’t twist my ankle several times. I ended up scoping out the gravel and making sure to walk around it.


  2. Oh, no! I’m lucky I didn’t hurt myself, but I was so embarrassed! Especially when I get to the bookstore, and I’m thinking, ‘I’ll be good, so long as I stand right here and don’t have to walk anywhere.’ But they guided me to their backroom to deposit my purse, and my did that feel like a long walk! haha! The shoes wouldn’t have been so bad had they fit.

    I like wedges. They’re adorable and feel really comfortable to me. I haven’t found heels that are as comfortable yet. But I probably don’t screen them as much as you do by walking around with them in the store. I think, ‘Ah! Cute! I’ll buy them.’ Then, they hurt my feet and sit in my closet. *sigh*

    I did love my black flats, though. I need to find a replacement.


  3. Pingback: The Joys and Pains of Research Trips | jenpheobus

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